You’ve had the initial shock, you’ve been to the funeral, you may have even received something that belonged to the deceased that they wanted you to have . . . . What comes now?
Once the initial practical tasks following a death are completed, you may feel as though you’re in limbo. You might be signed off work for a while because that is something you can’t focus on right now, which means that you don’t have any routine. You may not be involved in any other practicalities, which means you suddenly have a lot of time on your hands.
When you find the days stretching out before you and you don’t know how to fill them, try going back to basics.
Remember those days before we all had smartphones full of pictures? Have you got boxes of photos tucked away you could go through and make a scrap book with your favourite memories of times with the person who died?
Are you a creative person? Can you make something using that persons favourite colours, an item of their clothing, flowers from the funeral flowers that your press or dry?
When someone dies, we have to slowly begin to incorporate this event into our lives and help ourselves get used to the fact that they are no longer with us in person. Finding ways to remember them, have them around you in some way, can really help you remember the good times and not just focus on the sadness. It might well leave you with tears pouring down your face whilst you’re doing these things, but it will also help you process your emotions.
I’m sharing today this Ted talk, about not moving on when someone dies but continuing to incorporate them into your lives. You may find it helpful to watch (but have some tissues handy).